Post by PhoenixFeathers on Aug 19, 2013 1:20:06 GMT -5
I posted this post in the minecraft forum. They had a thread about Anxiety and Depression. So I thought since they know my life story now, you guys should too. Cause you've all in your own way have helped me through my anxiety. Everytime I film I feel so good, Like I'm on the top of the world. So here it is.
"I currently an working through some Agoraphobia. For those who don't know agoraphobia is the fear of having a panic attack in places you've had one before. So as you all assume, I don't get out much. I rarely visit my friends and I rarely do much of anything. There is times for me when I have an anxiety attack for no reason. Most of my anxiety is also the fear of being in a situation where I cant escape, I believe that is part of Agoraphobia. Here is my lovely story.
My first anxiety attack I remember was at a restaurant in 2006 with my parents and their friends. I was about 11 years old. we were eating and all the sudden I felt really sick, didn't know what was going on. Butterfly's in the stomach so to speak. Looking at the world around me as if it was in slow motion. I felt like I was gonna puke, I didn't wanna do it in the middle of the restaurant though, cause that would not be something I'd want to see if I was eating. My dad was trying to get me to go to the bathroom, everything was looking not knowing what is happening. I eventually calmed a bit and walked out and spent the rest of my night outside with my mom. She really helped me work off the anxiety. This was just the first really bad one.
From that, I didn't really have another anxiety attack for a long time. Maybe a few here and there when I was scared, but nothing serious.
In 2008 at the end of 8th grade I started having panic attacks in school. I thought it was cause I was nervous about going to high school so I kinda avoided school as much as possible. Tried to stay away from going, including tricking my parents by walking around the block and hiding until they left for work. At this point still, I didn't know what was wrong for me and was scared to admit anything was wrong with me. The summer then came.
I was good all summer, until the end when I was about to hit High School. For about a week I had an anxiety attack more than once a day. Had one once in my room at night so I went and slept on the couch, for a while I didn't sleep in my room. I basically lived on my couch cause I got anxiety in my room at night?! (Ergo the fear of having anxiety in a place you've had it before.) I eventually got over that, but it was worth noting.
When school started, I was good for a bit but there still was those days when I didn't go in cause I felt nervous the night before, or the morning before. I missed a lot of school days because of that, and I failed a lot of my classes. For me, My anxiety usually sparks at things that I find gross, so I really hated health class the first half of school. I always had panic attacks in there, and my teacher really disliked me.
One day, the day before halloween we had to watch a video on bulimia and I really hate the sound, or watching someone throw up. That is also a huge fear of mine. So I had such a really bad of anxiety attack that day and I tried hiding it from everyone int he class. I put my head down and tried so hard not the throw up. Clearly I was messed up because I didn't hear myself talking, trying to calm myself down. I had my ears blocked because I did not want to hear the TV and so I didn't hear the teacher asking me if I was okay. I told her no, and when i pulled my head up everyone was staring at me and I kinda froze, I asked her if I could go to the nurses office and she told me no... (before this I went to the nurses office so much during her class, but still.) So I just got up and walked out... I could not take the anxiety anymore so I went and sat in the bathroom until the period was over and managed to calm down in that time. Still one of the worst in my life..
From there I had attacks more and more often by the day. I felt like I was loosing myself. Around this time it was about late 2010. Once school was about to start up my parents just could not get me to go to school so I basically dropped out. (I really regret this...
) I honestly hated school, like most. However, it was never my intention to leave. I just could not deal with it anymore. I had my first anxiety attack in the car. I could not take being in a place where I could not leave. I obviously could not leave the car while it was driving and my sister had no idea what was going on so I had to calm down and she took me home, not too bad but again, worth mentioning. Since that day I avoided cars as much as possible. I missed my Great Grandmothers funeral, visiting my grandparents for Christmas, my brothers birthday party, Everything.
About half a year later I decided I was gonna go to the park with my friends so we drove across down, I fought my anxiety because they where there and I didn't wanna make a fool of myself. However, at the park I felt myself loosing control again. Breaking basically, and I told my sister that I needed to go. So we packed our stuff and went, however when I seen the car and the fact that I was already having an anxiety attack I seen the car door and instantly started going into full panic mode. I sat down and tried to calm down, everyone was just in the car looking at me. (Kinda like when harry gets his mind invaded in Harry Potter 7 Part 2
) this marks the first time I ever threw up from an anxiety attack. After getting sick though, I managed to calm down instantly and ride back home.It really just became My computer, My xbox & me.
Around Black Friday 2011 I got over the car anxiety when I was coming back from Wal-Mart with all the new stuff I bought. For almost the year of 2012 I was fine in the car. So 2012 was a decent year for me. My parents fought a lot though, so that year I did have some pretty bad anxiety attacks but none really worth mentioning. Though, you could really see a huge difference in my behavior, because I stopped hanging out with less and less friends every day. Stopped going out more every single day. I alienated a lot of things, unless I was going to stores with my sister.
Around January of this year I had another huge Anxiety attack in a car on my way to the grocery store. My sister had to stop 3 times before she managed to get me to the gas station down the road. This marks the second time I ever threw up from an anxiety attack. Like last time though, I calmed down almost instantly and got home. The next day I thought it was just a quick little phase so I tried going to the store with my mom. When she tried to make me run in, I had another huge anxiety attack in the parking lot so my mom parked the truck and she went in. I had to calm myself down. she got me home with no hesitation, but I was having an attack the whole time. We had a pretty long talk after that and that marks the point where my mom truly understood my problem. This is when I started becoming more interesting in finding out what was wrong with me. So I turned to self diagnostics and I came to the conclusion that I was agoraphobic. Obviously, I don't know 100% but judging by the description of symptoms it seems pretty legit.
This summer I've been slowly drifting away from my RL friends. I say RL cause I have a group of people I walk to on xbox every day, whom I can truly say are my best friends. I've known 4 of them for about 5 years. ( I don't wanna hear anything about online friends not being legit friends.) I for some reason have had anxiety attacks just being around people whom aren't in my family or people I see every day. So there is that...
So here we are now, I'm spending all my time on youtube. Minecraft Xbox, Waiting for GTA V. Currently my mom wants to get me help, and I want the help. The problem for me is trying to GET THERE first... Once I do though I know I won't regret it. I really want to get better, as I feel right now my life is falling apart. Don't get me wrong, I love life. I have never had a suicidal thought ever. I just really hate feeling this way and it seems most people around me don't understand my predicament. For now, I am trying hard to get myself out more and finally reach out for some help. Get my ID and sort of get my life on track. Now you know my story guys, hope it didn't put a damper on anyone's day. I just seen this thread and felt the need to tell my story. Wish me luck I guess. "
"I currently an working through some Agoraphobia. For those who don't know agoraphobia is the fear of having a panic attack in places you've had one before. So as you all assume, I don't get out much. I rarely visit my friends and I rarely do much of anything. There is times for me when I have an anxiety attack for no reason. Most of my anxiety is also the fear of being in a situation where I cant escape, I believe that is part of Agoraphobia. Here is my lovely story.
My first anxiety attack I remember was at a restaurant in 2006 with my parents and their friends. I was about 11 years old. we were eating and all the sudden I felt really sick, didn't know what was going on. Butterfly's in the stomach so to speak. Looking at the world around me as if it was in slow motion. I felt like I was gonna puke, I didn't wanna do it in the middle of the restaurant though, cause that would not be something I'd want to see if I was eating. My dad was trying to get me to go to the bathroom, everything was looking not knowing what is happening. I eventually calmed a bit and walked out and spent the rest of my night outside with my mom. She really helped me work off the anxiety. This was just the first really bad one.
From that, I didn't really have another anxiety attack for a long time. Maybe a few here and there when I was scared, but nothing serious.
In 2008 at the end of 8th grade I started having panic attacks in school. I thought it was cause I was nervous about going to high school so I kinda avoided school as much as possible. Tried to stay away from going, including tricking my parents by walking around the block and hiding until they left for work. At this point still, I didn't know what was wrong for me and was scared to admit anything was wrong with me. The summer then came.
I was good all summer, until the end when I was about to hit High School. For about a week I had an anxiety attack more than once a day. Had one once in my room at night so I went and slept on the couch, for a while I didn't sleep in my room. I basically lived on my couch cause I got anxiety in my room at night?! (Ergo the fear of having anxiety in a place you've had it before.) I eventually got over that, but it was worth noting.
When school started, I was good for a bit but there still was those days when I didn't go in cause I felt nervous the night before, or the morning before. I missed a lot of school days because of that, and I failed a lot of my classes. For me, My anxiety usually sparks at things that I find gross, so I really hated health class the first half of school. I always had panic attacks in there, and my teacher really disliked me.
One day, the day before halloween we had to watch a video on bulimia and I really hate the sound, or watching someone throw up. That is also a huge fear of mine. So I had such a really bad of anxiety attack that day and I tried hiding it from everyone int he class. I put my head down and tried so hard not the throw up. Clearly I was messed up because I didn't hear myself talking, trying to calm myself down. I had my ears blocked because I did not want to hear the TV and so I didn't hear the teacher asking me if I was okay. I told her no, and when i pulled my head up everyone was staring at me and I kinda froze, I asked her if I could go to the nurses office and she told me no... (before this I went to the nurses office so much during her class, but still.) So I just got up and walked out... I could not take the anxiety anymore so I went and sat in the bathroom until the period was over and managed to calm down in that time. Still one of the worst in my life..
From there I had attacks more and more often by the day. I felt like I was loosing myself. Around this time it was about late 2010. Once school was about to start up my parents just could not get me to go to school so I basically dropped out. (I really regret this...
) I honestly hated school, like most. However, it was never my intention to leave. I just could not deal with it anymore. I had my first anxiety attack in the car. I could not take being in a place where I could not leave. I obviously could not leave the car while it was driving and my sister had no idea what was going on so I had to calm down and she took me home, not too bad but again, worth mentioning. Since that day I avoided cars as much as possible. I missed my Great Grandmothers funeral, visiting my grandparents for Christmas, my brothers birthday party, Everything.About half a year later I decided I was gonna go to the park with my friends so we drove across down, I fought my anxiety because they where there and I didn't wanna make a fool of myself. However, at the park I felt myself loosing control again. Breaking basically, and I told my sister that I needed to go. So we packed our stuff and went, however when I seen the car and the fact that I was already having an anxiety attack I seen the car door and instantly started going into full panic mode. I sat down and tried to calm down, everyone was just in the car looking at me. (Kinda like when harry gets his mind invaded in Harry Potter 7 Part 2
) this marks the first time I ever threw up from an anxiety attack. After getting sick though, I managed to calm down instantly and ride back home.It really just became My computer, My xbox & me.Around Black Friday 2011 I got over the car anxiety when I was coming back from Wal-Mart with all the new stuff I bought. For almost the year of 2012 I was fine in the car. So 2012 was a decent year for me. My parents fought a lot though, so that year I did have some pretty bad anxiety attacks but none really worth mentioning. Though, you could really see a huge difference in my behavior, because I stopped hanging out with less and less friends every day. Stopped going out more every single day. I alienated a lot of things, unless I was going to stores with my sister.
Around January of this year I had another huge Anxiety attack in a car on my way to the grocery store. My sister had to stop 3 times before she managed to get me to the gas station down the road. This marks the second time I ever threw up from an anxiety attack. Like last time though, I calmed down almost instantly and got home. The next day I thought it was just a quick little phase so I tried going to the store with my mom. When she tried to make me run in, I had another huge anxiety attack in the parking lot so my mom parked the truck and she went in. I had to calm myself down. she got me home with no hesitation, but I was having an attack the whole time. We had a pretty long talk after that and that marks the point where my mom truly understood my problem. This is when I started becoming more interesting in finding out what was wrong with me. So I turned to self diagnostics and I came to the conclusion that I was agoraphobic. Obviously, I don't know 100% but judging by the description of symptoms it seems pretty legit.
This summer I've been slowly drifting away from my RL friends. I say RL cause I have a group of people I walk to on xbox every day, whom I can truly say are my best friends. I've known 4 of them for about 5 years. ( I don't wanna hear anything about online friends not being legit friends.) I for some reason have had anxiety attacks just being around people whom aren't in my family or people I see every day. So there is that...
So here we are now, I'm spending all my time on youtube. Minecraft Xbox, Waiting for GTA V. Currently my mom wants to get me help, and I want the help. The problem for me is trying to GET THERE first... Once I do though I know I won't regret it. I really want to get better, as I feel right now my life is falling apart. Don't get me wrong, I love life. I have never had a suicidal thought ever. I just really hate feeling this way and it seems most people around me don't understand my predicament. For now, I am trying hard to get myself out more and finally reach out for some help. Get my ID and sort of get my life on track. Now you know my story guys, hope it didn't put a damper on anyone's day. I just seen this thread and felt the need to tell my story. Wish me luck I guess. "
